In 2008, June 29 was a Sunday. This was my ORIGINAL due date. My doctor had moved it up to the 27th based on how I was measuring at an ultrasound somewhere along the way. They should have left it the way it was...or pushed it back. That way I wouldn't have been quite so anxious to get things moving by this time.
It was a Sunday but I can't remember for sure if I went to church that day. I'm thinking not. I know it's not a reason to miss worship, but I was so tired of saying, Yep, I'm still here. Nope, no baby yet. Yep, I do keep getting bigger. Nope, no real contractions. Yep, I was due on Friday. Sigh.
I did go to the grocery store that afternoon. That I remember. It was a huge trip. Shane reprimanded me for going. I was completely exhausted when I got home, but felt victorious that the house would be well-stocked for the days to come. Shane gently called it spending a whole lot of money at the store. I called it nesting.
My parents arrived that night. While I had desperately wanted to have our baby as soon as possible, I was overjoyed that they got to see me in all my pregnant glory. And it was priceless that they would get to be with us for each moment of our baby's birth. I still thank the Lord that His timing is perfect.
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June 29, 2009
Silas spent the day with our friend Tiffany and her two boys today. I was at work and Shane had class. It has been the hardest thing for me this year: the leaving. I do love what I do. I see purpose in the work the Lord has given to me. I am grateful that I make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities; I get to come alongside parents of children with special needs. I have had the chance to be a mentor. I have direct contact with people who do not know Christ.
But I miss Silas like crazy. It may only be 19 hours a week, but it is still 19 hours that I would otherwise be answering is at?, sitting under our backyard tree blowing bubbles, pushing a stroller through the neighborhood, changing diapers, teaching boundaries, reading cardboard books, making goofy sounds, singing silly songs, fostering good sleep, and pushing any and all buttons in sight. And all the while, knowing it is the most purposeful work I have ever done.
Don't get me wrong. This is the right thing for us during this season. I am much at peace with working. I do miss Silas, but he is well cared for and loved when he is not with me. Being with our friends has done wonders for his social development. Being away has done wonders for my appreciation of the time I have with him. And we are more a family because we are all making this work together. Shane and I always said we would go wherever the Lord called us. Here we are. This is our calling. We walk it not nearly as perfectly as we would like, but much more joyfully than we would have expected. It is grace. That's all I can say: it's His grace.
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