These Eleven Months: Beginning Thoughts

A few weeks ago I said to Shane that sometimes I wish I could sit and eat a meal without any interruptions. But then at the same time, I said, I don't really wish that. Because no interruptions would mean no little people growing up in this house. And no little people is unimaginable at this point.

These have been some eleven months; a spiritual journey for me like no other. In the most intricate of details, the Lord has dug deep down into my heart, little by little, day by day in these months. He has been relentless. In a good way.

I know our eleven months have not been as hard as some that others have endured. I know that it has also not been as easy. I know that I am not alone in many of our experiences, but I am wholly grateful that our eleven months were unique enough that no one could tell us exactly what to do. And that humbled us. In a good way.

My heart is full to overflowing about Simmy and Lieren turning 1. So you'll have to bear with me over the next couple weeks as I reflect on the Lord in light of the past eleven months. I haven't always been the best pupil, but I am learning.

Notice I said learning and not learned. I am still definitely in process.

My learning has been shaped significantly by three books and I would be remiss not to mention them: When People are Big and God is Small by Edward Welch, which I read last spring when at home for so many hours alone; Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel, which I read this winter; and So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore, which I read over the past couple of months. There were other books in this season but the Lord used these 3 to do a lot of that digging I mentioned earlier.

I am not sure I quite have the words, but the bottom line is that I honestly love our God today more than I did eleven months ago. I am more sure that He loves me. I could well-up at the thought of His grace, and I am more willing to take Him at His Word. Ultimately, I am most aware that while I can easily slip myself into the role, I am not god of this house.

At our women's event this week at church, a friend was kidding with me about a situation the Lord was walking her through. Well, the Lord works in all seasons, I quipped, and we laughed. Then a third friend seriously added, Yes, even the ones He is dragging us through. Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself. I am coming out of these eleven months feeling a bit worn from the dragging. And as you can imagine, I am grateful to be on this side of the year. But here I am, and let me tell you, He has been more than worth it!

Before I close these beginning thoughts, I cannot leave you without a glimpse of the babes. Sim and Lieren find great joy in climbing on Silas' bed. Reminds me of a song we sing a lot around here that just might be a preview to a birthday theme: two little monkeys jumpin' on the bed...