This morning I took Blaise to meet his teacher. I am still taking deep breaths and wondering when I blinked. Because there is no way our youngest should be ready for school.
I mean, in some ways it is different. We never did 3 year old preschool with the older three. But Blaise has an earlier birthday than the others and when we started realizing it wouldn't work well for him to go to CC with me and Silas again this year, we threw out the preschool option. They had an opening for him and I signed him up the day I took Sim and Lieren to meet their teacher. Approximately 6 days before school started. Nothing like a last minute school decision to rip out a mom's heart.
I had months to prepare for Silas to begin school. I will never forget that early morning when I signed him up all those years ago. It felt like the day would never come that he would actually walk into a classroom. And now we are on year 4 at our sweet preschool and the youngest is beginning his career.
Even though the decision was made quickly, we are in agreement that Blaise is ready and will love it. He sits for hours and colors with Lieren. He creates with Legos alongside Simeon. And he is as much for a structured activity as Silas. He loves a classroom setting.
And even though we had just decided about school, we honored tradition last weekend. We have let each of our kids pick out their very own backpack before they start preschool. We have pretty much given them freedom (with maybe a little coaching) to pick what they want. Silas picked a Toy Story backpack that was primarily green (which seemed to be the selling point for him). Simeon chose an R2-D2 backpack that had lights and made all the noises (Silas and I may have done some encouragement about the coolness of that one to prod him toward a decision) and Lieren selected the frilliest princess one she could find. I still haven't seen one pink-er. And at the end of last week, Blaise proudly put on the Darth Vader backpack to end all backpacks. It lights up and talks and was generally the most exciting thing he had seen in a while.
As you can tell, it is almost as big as him.
I mean, he is still so little. For us, especially. He is the baby. He is our number 4, the one we knew we wanted but who took us completely by surprise.
And maybe those are some of the why's.
Why I shrug my shoulders when I am reminded that he is still not Perfectly Potty Trained. God love his teacher, who will most likely have to help him get his undies up straight a time or two.
Why I love how he calls his sister "Lee-yen"; so equally adorable to Simeon's "Le-wen".
Why I don't seem to mind that he still wakes me almost every single solitary night (this started with night terrors and has continued for reasons ranging from the need for a blanket rearranged to the music on to "Mommy I just really like you"...it seemed alright to have gotten up a second time last night for that last one).
Why I just had to shake my head when he was obnoxiously silly with his teacher today.
And why I can't seem to stop taking pictures of him sleeping.
Sleeping at Walmart...
Sleeping poolside...
Sleeping on the couch...
Sleeping at the bowling alley...
Sleeping at Grandpa's birthday party...
Sleeping before bed...
And sleeping at soccer...
He gave up naps long ago but if we go anywhere late in the day, he can't keep his eyes open. And maybe I feel like he is still really the littlest little when I see him sleeping.
He fell asleep on the way to church recently and came in the service with us. Love those moments with just one.
Of all our kids, he is a talker. Shane took the big kids on a bike ride a few weeks ago and I took Blaise on a walk. He talked the whole time. I listened.
It's not really about a backpack, you know. It's about us listening. Listening to the One who is over all this life we are living. Listening to each other and what our family needs. And listening to you, our Number 4.
You are saying you are ready. We believe you. Bigger than that, we believe the One who knows you and your tomorrows.
Wednesday will come quick, Boo. Your backpack is ready. And I think I am. I might still wonder when I blinked and my heart might feel like it's ripped out a little. But I am learning all the time I can feel that way and still there is grace to be ready.
